when love is an addiction

Letter to J

Long day. Finally sat down. Went to doctor in the morning. Ear-infection again. :p Then – the rest of the day – kids kids kids. On those days, I miss your daughter more than usual(ly). She would have so much fun. The girls ask for her, too.

Today, I am feeling a bit anxious. Looking forward to talking to you on Sunday but at the same time wondering whether it might actually be better to speak even less. Not because I don’t want to but because if I don’t speak to you for a few days I feel the void you’ve left more than ever.

The past week I have often felt like an addict who can’t get her fix.
I just miss you so much and not hearing anything at all from you makes it worse. What does make it easier is time. So, I guess, the longer I don’t speak to you the easier it is to handle my tendencies to slip into a depressive state. – Luckily, I’m not the type to get so depressed that I need to be medicated to function but my behavior does change. I become Ms. Hermit and social interactions are just a symptom of my fear to be alone (and to think about how many more seemingly endless long weeks and months without you I have to spend).

Anyway, … I miss you.
And if you now are going to write me back to this email and NOT the other 35 letters I must have written you in the past month, I’m gonna come down there and kick your a**.

;) hope all is going well and moving forward with the program.
I am proud of your dedication and commitment.
Love,
S.