I had just tried calling J a few times to tell him that I think it’s all BS and that whatever he needs to do is fine, but I’ll be his friend, at least, and that comes with me calling him once in a while to talk. I didn’t get through.
Then my cell rang. It was J. He had snuck (sp.?) out and was calling me “undercover” so-to-say. He told me it was all BS but that he had to do it as part of the program and as one of the requirements -- break all relationships, especially one with a girlfriend. So, basically – somebody else was next to him when he called me to break up.
I can’t tell you how happy I was to hear from him. I was so miserable all day (besides the excruciating pain from the wisdom tooth extraction I still suffer from, even after 10 days now). I know it’s pathetic but I can’t imagine my life without him. It would just be a gaping void forever. Yes, I could maybe eventually get over it, …. live life to the fullest…but the truth is…he’d always be missing, for I would always want to share everything with him. He is the one....as corny as that might sound.
***
The next evening he called me to inform me that he told them the truth after all. Told them that he really wants to do the program and is taking it seriously but that they couldn't just make him stop loving the person he loves. He also mentioned that we should - at least - speak less, so he would truly open up to his counselor instead of always waiting for me to call and talk. ... I reluctantly agreed. Once a week it is.
... Reality (and realizations about what is best) is a tough bit to chew on these days.
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