people, places, things

J just called to break up with me. I think, it’s part of the program. Magi, who has been in recovery programs when she was younger (getting off a Heroine addiction) says “people, places, things” – something J has mentioned before, as well. Apparently all the things of the past can be a trigger. Anyway…it hurts and it’s depressing. But maybe it’s good for me, for I think the one true addiction I have is J.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been the victim of a hit & run, for I can’t even call him back to talk about it more. This is going to be so tough….
I think, what will maybe make me feel better is go into my previous journal and read the 66 pages of awfulness (i.e. the things he’s done to me…the kind of person he might still be underneath it all.) ... Of course, then there is still my mind and my memory, which seems to mostly have retained the positive. The perfection of our relationship and utter happiness (when he was sober).