avoid the path of "what ifs"

Jeez… one week without speaking to J and I am like a kickin’ addict. How am I going to make it until freaggin’ May without seeing him? Also, .. he’s not responding to any of my mails to him. I guess, he’s really focusing on what he’s supposed to focus on in this program – and that’s definitely not his girlfriend.

But…my mind is evil sometimes…and it gets me on the path of “what ifs”. …what if he’s been talking to his ex-wife instead? What if he’s going to work on a reunion, after all and isn't telling me? What if they (the church) convince him that that's the better (Christian) route to go? Or...what if the absence of his contact to the outside world (i.e. me) makes his state of mind worse …(more prone to irrational brain-wash-susceptible stuff)?

I miss him just sooooo much!!!! It truly hurts my heart.
Ugh.

-- good thing this is an anonymous blog, for I can't tell you how annoying it is to hear myself be such a love-tied wimp. I'd like to think of myself above it all...but I guess I'm far from that.