paranormal activity

Last night, I'm pretty sure I woke up to some paranormal activity in my bedroom. I was alone. The kids had begged to sleep over at J's mother's house. I was waking from a dream (it was either directly or indirectly about J). In the same moment I gained consciousness (i.e. within the same seconds of waking up) the shade of my fire escape window suddenly coiled into itself with an incredibly loud, thunderous snap. Like a child, I instinctively ducked under my blanket with a startled shriek. It was 3:45 in the morning and it was dead silent. My heart was racing and I was angry. I was hissing at imaginary J for such undesirable, heart-attack inducing behavior. "This is NOT how I wanted you to come back! I wanted you not to die in the first place. That's it. Not come haunt me from the after life."

Then I thought about it and wondered if it was just frustration of his spirit who has not yet realized what exactly is happening. And then I continued to wonder whether it was maybe just a left-over energy pattern. I can't remember how many times he would climb out that window to go have a smoke in the middle of the night, sometimes accidentally causing that shade to snap up into itself just as loudly, waking me from my sleep. And at last, I thought, maybe it's just an incredibly strange coincidence.  - I decided to go back to sleep with the lights on anyway.

The next day, J's mother told me she also woke up around 3 a.m. and noticed her lights flickering wildly.....  lights that were turned off. She also told me that J's younger sister had had a dream that night in which she encountered him on the streets of her neighborhood. And when she asked him what he was doing here...that he wasn't supposed to be there....that he was dead......he appeared genuinely surprised.

I don't know... I'm not too fond of any type of such obvious supernatural stuff. I like the more subtle signs of peace and reassurance. Something of a different dimension still but less paranormal ...small signs of divinity or purpose to assuage my pain and feeling of loss; ... an incredibly fitting song for the moment, the mourning dove after tough nights, a quote stumbled upon...


I'm sitting here tired... but, I must admit, a tiny bit afraid to go to sleep.