spanish novela type drama ... and stop crying already

something made me call my former mother-in-law (my first husband's mom) today.
as i exchanged formalities with her, i found myself responding in an entirely too honest way.
she asked me how i was and i told her the truth, even though, in her mind i should have never ended my marriage with her son, and i should have most certainly never begun a relationship with J, whom she apparently knew since he was an infant.

this fact, of course, i wasn't aware of until much later into my relationship. i knew that the two families were very much against J & my union but i didn't understand the animosity. years later, i found out that my ex-husband's mother and J's mother had banded together when the boys were really young to help each other out. they lived either together or right next to each other. but, what shocked me even more (and explained their later disdain for my relationship with J) was the fact that the two women had been friends since they themselves were young - back in the Dominican Republic!

oh my, i felt like part of a Spanish novela when i heard these things. no wonder there was all this ruckus about my choice to move on with J. although, moving on with J wasn't really a choice. you can't choose who you love and that man was majorly dysfunctional when we got together. he was a broken person ... but i loved him anyway... no choice.

but, i digress.
so - today, i called my mother-in-law (i don't really ever refer to her as ex-anything. she is a sweet old lady) and when she inquired how i was, i asked her when and if it started getting easier for her, since she lost her husband 18 years ago tomorrow. i was there, in fact, the day he died. i spent that whole week in the hospital with my ex, back then only 19 years old. his father's death changed him. he loved that man and his loss turned him into a dark, dark person for a very long time.

she told me that, of course, she thinks of him all the time but that it is different now. it is not painful anymore. she said that, in her faith (some form of christianity), it is encouraged to control one's tears over a loved one's loss. everyone must die. it is part of life. we all pass over. it is not to be mourned as if it were an eternal loss. you shouldn't cry because they can see you cry and they can't do anything about it and then just everybody is sad. ... mind you, i'm paraphrasing and translating from spanish ... i do speak spanish but this lady is the fastest speaking Dominican i have ever met. it's hard to follow but this is what i think to have understood. ... and, in a way, it makes sense...

i have a feeling that i was nudged to call her today because i needed to hear again that i should stop crying already.  ... i never listened to my friend's mom... maybe i should follow her advice. addictedtomyaddict.blogspot.com/2013/06/and-this-is-what-she-said.html