tears are good for you?

From one of my Daily Grief-Support Emails:

The True Nature of Tears - Day #296

[…]
 In one survey, 85% of women and 73% of men reported feeling less sad or angry after crying. I can believe it!

Psychologists and research scientists are trying to discover what the content and purpose of tears may be. Some of this research has been conducted by William Frey in an effort to discover the chemical makeup of tears. Frey compared tears induced from sadness with tears caused by cutting a raw onion. He found that the tears caused by emotional stimuli contained more total protein than those that resulted from irritation.

Frey proposes that the emotionally based tears contained high levels of cortisol, which is the primary hormone released during stressful situations. This suggests that we may be literally releasing toxins from our system when we cry, and that crying may support our overall well- being.


Well, ... if that is true, I should be toxin-free at this point. I have cried almost every single day for the first year and a half... until the beginning of this summer, which is when I decided that I didn't want to cry anymore. What was the point of my tears? Did it change anything? No. Did it help? No. So why the F spend all this time sobbing? It made no sense. It began to make me angry.

I guess, I still carry anger - but together with the anger comes a little bit of acceptance. This acceptance, however, I was only able to reach by removing J from plain sight and my thoughts. I still have a few pictures around the house, but, I actively try to avoid spending time thinking about the past and us, together. I'm trying not to make it too obsessive - as i have read that some people create temporary psychoses to protect themselves from trauma in some way, and pretending we didn't exist together could count as such, however, I am actively counteracting any inclination to wallow in grief.

I know, that repression isn't a good thing to do either, for the pain will catch up with you at a later point tenfold, i hear, so i am aiming for a certain balance, which will allow me to grief a little but only that. No more looking at pictures, listening to songs (if it comes on radio, skip it), and no more memories. .. Sounds like BS .. which it probably is... but, anyway, ... I am attempting the realization of some version of this plan.