visions of anger

positivity is a choice, my 'Daily Grief Affirmations' email tells me. you may not be able to control how you feel - angry, sad, etc. - but, you choose whether you look at things or act in a positive manner.

made me feel guilty, when i read that.
lately, i have been letting my anger take over. i'm angry everywhere and at everyone.
it's strange, for one of the attributes you could have never really ascribed to me in the past would have been anger. maybe there were sporadic, fleeting moments of frustration but, raging anger, not really. or, at least, that was my impression of myself. nowadays, i notice that i am mad a lot and that realization just makes me more angry.

sometimes, i sit in the car and i just want to shake my whole body and scream until my lungs burst. i envision myself like a cartoon character, indulging in this primal expression of rage. i imagine how my body pulsates and rattles like a steam pot which is about to explode. i imagine my head shaking from side to side as if someone has pressed an invisible fast-forward button to speed up my movement until i shake in an uncontrollable and surreal convulsion.

Original image by Jesse Lefkowitz