is everything more or less predictable?

The psychology of man is an interesting thing. I find it unsettling that there is a formula I can refer to in order to predict how I will FEEL if xy and z happens to me. I don't usually think about how predictable humans are but lately I've been in awe about the accuracy of the automated daily grief support email I have subscribed to. It's just a snippet of advice on what one may be going through at this moment, combined with an insightful quote.

I find these daily affirmations very helpful but I can't stand the fact that I am essentially like a robot ... a machine that is running a certain software and is now compromised by a well-known bug, which we have developed a patch for.

Apparently, I am now in the grieving stage they call anger, although, I have learned that the emotions of all the stages come mixed up and unexpectedly. I never quite understood, why there is an angry stage in the grief process. What would one be angry at? I can understand that maybe some people would be angry at God or the person who died or, naturally, anybody possibly responsible for the loved one's death but other than that, I didn't get it.

Now - I can tell you - the anger can come without reason. I'm just angry, period. Sometimes I can walk outside the door and hate everybody. Everybody. This is a surprising and new feeling for me. I have always been the opposite of that. I tend to see the positive in people and I usually enjoy going out into the world.

Usually I punch a pillow when the anger comes. Unfortunately, I was in my car when I was overwhelmed with the need to get the anger out somehow. And so I punched my car door. Although, the injuries were only small abrasions of the skin, they hurt like hell and didn't heal for weeks. They kept tearing open again every time I brushed against something. I won't do that again, I guess. Although, that was the second time I did it....Let's hope I remember the pain this time.

***
And so -- here is what I got yesterday (in my daily affirmation email) - just when I had had a moment of self-reflection, earlier in the day, about how I needed to stop being so angry:

Loss often makes people bitter, and angry. Is that how you want to be? I don’t think so.
Rather than hanging on to bitterness, resentment or anger - let go, and find a healthier place to live the remainder of your days.

It's like an angel whispering in my ear to confirm what I have already told myself.