Today – as I was driving to Connecticut to visit friends I finally found some time again to listen to the amazing scholar, Karen Armstrong, reading from her book “The Case For God”. Although, I’m sure I’d get so much more out of it if there weren’t young children yelling and asking incessant questions from the back seat.
Armstrong (in chapter 5 of her book) talks about Descartes, Newton, Locke, and Keppler – to name a few - and how people of the modern world wanted to explain God – provide proof. Although, I believe she said that Descartes argued against this approach. From what I could make out through the screaming of my kids, she spoke about how the great minds of this time philosophized about how everything has a reason, a motivator, a creator (i.e. all mass is inert unless it is moved, thus God must exist – or something like that).
Theories were established that God instilled divine principles of order and rules on the atomic level and then retired.
The theory or belief of there being intelligent design in nature isn’t something I disagree with but I always wonder about the oddities of nature. When things suddenly behave or develop differently than how they are supposed to.
Sometimes people refer to these things as miracles. Maybe they are just instances of free will. For even though I believe in some sort of destiny, I think that it’s not set in stone. That we still have some influence (or free will) depending on our actions – who we are or strive to be. So – maybe inexplicable phenomena and oddities in nature are just that. Free will. Rebellion. Chaos. Resistance. Whatever. Something of this kind….
Does that sound like a crazy thought process?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
do you really pick your father/mother as your mate?
below my two cents about the psychoanalytic idea of one always choosing to love the person most resembling one's caretaker or as more refined versions of this theory claim - the most dysfunctional member of one's family.
i happen to agree with this to a point... BUT .... I also have my own personal (spiritual) explanation for it. ... why is this the case for so many people? why is it that we choose a mate that is like the most dysfunctional member of our family and more often than not try to fix him/her...or - more passively - hope for a change?
i think, we have this tendency built in for a reason. i think, it's god's way of balancing things out...of trying to fix things...of making people help certain people others would avoid. and they are making a change....even if it is just infinitely small, for i believe true love changes a person. ...
of course - this is an incredibly wild theory. one of my many spiritual theories that spring to mind trying to explain a certain phenomena we try to make sense of.
i happen to agree with this to a point... BUT .... I also have my own personal (spiritual) explanation for it. ... why is this the case for so many people? why is it that we choose a mate that is like the most dysfunctional member of our family and more often than not try to fix him/her...or - more passively - hope for a change?
i think, we have this tendency built in for a reason. i think, it's god's way of balancing things out...of trying to fix things...of making people help certain people others would avoid. and they are making a change....even if it is just infinitely small, for i believe true love changes a person. ...
of course - this is an incredibly wild theory. one of my many spiritual theories that spring to mind trying to explain a certain phenomena we try to make sense of.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
is there a god?
last night...as i went to sleep (saying a quick "thank you god" before i closed my eyes) my mind began to wander. it was one of those mini-epiphanies i sometimes have when i have contemplated a particular (often spiritual) subject for a long time...somehow in the back of my mind.
so, at this very moment - as i closed my eyes - i had a flash of doubt again, as i sometimes do. a doubt about my faith. a doubt about god's existence even though i have felt divine presence and have looked at life around me with a recognition of something metaphysical at work. a complicated and, yet, simple system that seems to have been put in place in our world. one layer of many many layers of a structure sometimes resembling the rules of a domino game.
and it all seems to be pretty much about one goal: do the right thing, be tolerant, and be forgiving.
sometimes the gratification or punishment for a good or bad deed are instant sometimes it takes years. but there definitely is something to the concept of karma.
sometimes i see it in just the way people so easily exercise prejudice or judgment over a person or a situation. you know nothing, i always think. you don't know where this person comes from, what experiences this person has had, if you would not act the same way had you had the same exact life....but most of all, i think, that one particular situation never looks the same to a person on the outside. only if you are directly involved do you know and even then you might be misguided or come to wrong conclusions.
anyway - what i actually wanted to write about was atheism. given that i was once again (even if only briefly) struck by doubt. that' s the rationalist in me. the one that says: "are you sure you don't just wish there was a god? "(i.e. you're making it all up?...a succession of suggestive self-fulfilling prophecies. -- ha - the irony. self-fulfilling "prophecy";)
i'm always wondering how someone otherwise so nice and insightful (i have several good friends who are atheists) doesn't feel like there is something missing to interpret things in their lives which are difficult to understand. maybe they have just been blessed by relatively normal lives. or it's just that they have been raised that way and what you don't know of, you're not going to be missing. they feel like they don't need god or the idea of something divine. life is life and that's it. and when it's over it's over.
to me, that always seems a little self-involved and blind to the connectedness between the things in this world. common structures of life. incredible facts of this world. entanglement theory, anyone?
why do the main monotheistic religions despise atheists? maybe, it's that same fear and close-mindedness. as god-believers we don't know what to do with someone who just doesn't. how would we convince them otherwise? we have no proof...we just know. it's as if my daughter would tell me she doesn't believe i love her. i can't prove that i love my child i can only try to show it in as many ways as i can possibly think of, but i can't physically prove that i really do love her. (i.e. i cannot solidify my emotion. it's not tangible.)
the problem with god is that he/she/it whatever is just too unimaginable for the human brain. we can't grasp the concept of god. some people then just believe. close their eyes and trust (some also look at history and the way ideas and scriptures have withstood all of the changes of human existence). people who truly believe, pay attention to the many little ways divine presence, love, and correction, even, is shown to us in every day life. .... atheists just don't want to close their eyes and open themselves to an experience they might not understand. they need to make sense of it, they need proof, they need something their little brain can work with. and when i say little brain i, of course, mean the human brain in general.
--- in a way, that's what happens with people who do wrong, as well. their eyes are closed. they think they're getting away with their wrong-doings and they don't even realize when they are being corrected or punished. --- but this is not to put atheists and people who do bad on the same level. i just want to clarify on that. again, i have very good friends who don't believe in god. i just don't understand how they can not ever wonder.... about life... it would be too small of a space for me to operate. i need to go wild with my philosophies...my analyses of life.
i'm not sure if i believe in hell or heaven. but i do believe that there is a point to this life which is beyond our understanding. we might be able to get a glimpse of the system, the structure, or even our place in this world but it won't come easy to us. it's hard work and we have to be dedicated to the idea. ... and i do believe, there is some sort of tendency to let oneself go, be selfish or even bad ... so if there is anything like the concept of evil or the devil... i think, that would be it. ... but this would be something to explore in another blog post.
so, at this very moment - as i closed my eyes - i had a flash of doubt again, as i sometimes do. a doubt about my faith. a doubt about god's existence even though i have felt divine presence and have looked at life around me with a recognition of something metaphysical at work. a complicated and, yet, simple system that seems to have been put in place in our world. one layer of many many layers of a structure sometimes resembling the rules of a domino game.
and it all seems to be pretty much about one goal: do the right thing, be tolerant, and be forgiving.
sometimes the gratification or punishment for a good or bad deed are instant sometimes it takes years. but there definitely is something to the concept of karma.
sometimes i see it in just the way people so easily exercise prejudice or judgment over a person or a situation. you know nothing, i always think. you don't know where this person comes from, what experiences this person has had, if you would not act the same way had you had the same exact life....but most of all, i think, that one particular situation never looks the same to a person on the outside. only if you are directly involved do you know and even then you might be misguided or come to wrong conclusions.
anyway - what i actually wanted to write about was atheism. given that i was once again (even if only briefly) struck by doubt. that' s the rationalist in me. the one that says: "are you sure you don't just wish there was a god? "(i.e. you're making it all up?...a succession of suggestive self-fulfilling prophecies. -- ha - the irony. self-fulfilling "prophecy";)
i'm always wondering how someone otherwise so nice and insightful (i have several good friends who are atheists) doesn't feel like there is something missing to interpret things in their lives which are difficult to understand. maybe they have just been blessed by relatively normal lives. or it's just that they have been raised that way and what you don't know of, you're not going to be missing. they feel like they don't need god or the idea of something divine. life is life and that's it. and when it's over it's over.
to me, that always seems a little self-involved and blind to the connectedness between the things in this world. common structures of life. incredible facts of this world. entanglement theory, anyone?
why do the main monotheistic religions despise atheists? maybe, it's that same fear and close-mindedness. as god-believers we don't know what to do with someone who just doesn't. how would we convince them otherwise? we have no proof...we just know. it's as if my daughter would tell me she doesn't believe i love her. i can't prove that i love my child i can only try to show it in as many ways as i can possibly think of, but i can't physically prove that i really do love her. (i.e. i cannot solidify my emotion. it's not tangible.)
the problem with god is that he/she/it whatever is just too unimaginable for the human brain. we can't grasp the concept of god. some people then just believe. close their eyes and trust (some also look at history and the way ideas and scriptures have withstood all of the changes of human existence). people who truly believe, pay attention to the many little ways divine presence, love, and correction, even, is shown to us in every day life. .... atheists just don't want to close their eyes and open themselves to an experience they might not understand. they need to make sense of it, they need proof, they need something their little brain can work with. and when i say little brain i, of course, mean the human brain in general.
--- in a way, that's what happens with people who do wrong, as well. their eyes are closed. they think they're getting away with their wrong-doings and they don't even realize when they are being corrected or punished. --- but this is not to put atheists and people who do bad on the same level. i just want to clarify on that. again, i have very good friends who don't believe in god. i just don't understand how they can not ever wonder.... about life... it would be too small of a space for me to operate. i need to go wild with my philosophies...my analyses of life.
i'm not sure if i believe in hell or heaven. but i do believe that there is a point to this life which is beyond our understanding. we might be able to get a glimpse of the system, the structure, or even our place in this world but it won't come easy to us. it's hard work and we have to be dedicated to the idea. ... and i do believe, there is some sort of tendency to let oneself go, be selfish or even bad ... so if there is anything like the concept of evil or the devil... i think, that would be it. ... but this would be something to explore in another blog post.
Friday, December 4, 2009
african dance could save me
yesterday was the first day in almost a month without pain (from wisdom tooth extraction, throat- and ear infection, canker sores from dental work, etc.). i even remember the moment i realized, for it was almost the exact same moment at which i burned my lips with the scalding hot coffee i had just overheated in the microwave of my central office. and one would think i'd learn from this experience (at least for the day) but - no. merely a few hours later i then burned my tongue with another cup of super-hot mocha. :p
also, as the day went on i realized that the painful tension in my back had returned, although, i am wondering whether it had been there all along (after all, it is chronic) only i hadn't noticed, for the pain in my mouth had been too overwhelming.
i remember, as a kid - when they would take me for blood-work or shots - i would bite into my other hand really hard as to distract my pain centers from the needle being pushed into my flesh. it always worked. so, i guess, this is what happened here with the mouth pain versus back pain.
i did find a potential solution for my back problem, though. yesterday evening i went to a west african dance class in harlem that J's sister had invited me to (or I had invited myself to when she posted it as her facebook status message two days earlier).
as usual, i was the only white girl in the crowd but i'm used to the looks now. ;) .... i was almost 25 min. late but people still were kinda just waiting around (most of them with the traditional dress, btw.) so i double-checked on the time. "doesn't this start at 7?" i asked a woman, who turned out to be the instructor. "girl, have you never heard of black-people-time?!" she said as she continued munching on her take-out food. i never thought there would be anyone who could beat arab-time (my father was notoriously late...and so am i) but i guess, i've met my match(es).
i went to change into my sweat-pants and when i returned J's sister had arrived - with her mother and her cousin. now - at least - i felt like i had a little posse and wasn't such a complete outsider. although, as it turned out - once we started doing moves - they were clearly beginners, as well.
african dance, as mentioned earlier, seems to be the perfect solution to my back problem. there is not a muscle you don't move in this style of dancing and it couldn' t have been cooler with the live drummers there. i absolutely loved it.
after the class i said my good-byes to J's family and went to get food at zen palate (on 46th st. and 9th) and then to the movies. sweaty and all. ;) -- i'm a bit embarrassed to say this but i saw "new moon" - sequel to the twilight saga - .... [*clearing throat*] .... for the second time.
i don't know what it is about this teenie movie that gets me. maybe it's the intensity of the love-story cuz it sure as hell can't be the acting. although, i must say ...the actors seem to have grown into their roles by now, for their performances were much better this time. it's hard to play these roles and not totally cross over the "too-corny" line. the script is so die-hard-romantic that you really have to be careful how you deliver it.
anyway, it got to me. and since i'm alone these days i can see whatever stupid movie i want, however often i want. ;)
also, as the day went on i realized that the painful tension in my back had returned, although, i am wondering whether it had been there all along (after all, it is chronic) only i hadn't noticed, for the pain in my mouth had been too overwhelming.
i remember, as a kid - when they would take me for blood-work or shots - i would bite into my other hand really hard as to distract my pain centers from the needle being pushed into my flesh. it always worked. so, i guess, this is what happened here with the mouth pain versus back pain.
i did find a potential solution for my back problem, though. yesterday evening i went to a west african dance class in harlem that J's sister had invited me to (or I had invited myself to when she posted it as her facebook status message two days earlier).
as usual, i was the only white girl in the crowd but i'm used to the looks now. ;) .... i was almost 25 min. late but people still were kinda just waiting around (most of them with the traditional dress, btw.) so i double-checked on the time. "doesn't this start at 7?" i asked a woman, who turned out to be the instructor. "girl, have you never heard of black-people-time?!" she said as she continued munching on her take-out food. i never thought there would be anyone who could beat arab-time (my father was notoriously late...and so am i) but i guess, i've met my match(es).
i went to change into my sweat-pants and when i returned J's sister had arrived - with her mother and her cousin. now - at least - i felt like i had a little posse and wasn't such a complete outsider. although, as it turned out - once we started doing moves - they were clearly beginners, as well.
african dance, as mentioned earlier, seems to be the perfect solution to my back problem. there is not a muscle you don't move in this style of dancing and it couldn' t have been cooler with the live drummers there. i absolutely loved it.
after the class i said my good-byes to J's family and went to get food at zen palate (on 46th st. and 9th) and then to the movies. sweaty and all. ;) -- i'm a bit embarrassed to say this but i saw "new moon" - sequel to the twilight saga - .... [*clearing throat*] .... for the second time.
i don't know what it is about this teenie movie that gets me. maybe it's the intensity of the love-story cuz it sure as hell can't be the acting. although, i must say ...the actors seem to have grown into their roles by now, for their performances were much better this time. it's hard to play these roles and not totally cross over the "too-corny" line. the script is so die-hard-romantic that you really have to be careful how you deliver it.
anyway, it got to me. and since i'm alone these days i can see whatever stupid movie i want, however often i want. ;)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
are husbands better than boyfriends?
unbelievable. i am so hell-bent on preventing my kids from having a boyfriend - like EVER ;) [or at least until they're about 21] - that i'd rather tell my daughter J is my fiance than admit he's my boyfriend.
so, yes - nini (my now 5-yr old) asked me this morning whether i missed J.
yes, i said, i do. very much.
n: is he your boyfriend
me: ehm...no..he's more like my fiance (making sh*t up on the fly)
n: what's that?
me: that means you're planning to get married one day. ... but it's not a sure thing...i mean, ok - J is like my fiance 'slash' boyfriend.
n: so you're gonna marry J
me:(thinking: oh sh*t...where is this conversation going?!)..[slight panic] ....yes..maybe...depends...would you like that?
n: yes!
me: really??
me: yes! :)
me: ok. but it's not totally sure, yet and it might be quite a while until this happens (if at all).
nini: christmas? (which is when nini expects J to come back)
me: no, at christmas J is just coming to visit us. and that's not sure either.--- but nini - please don't tell anyone. it's not sure, yet. the whole marriage thing. ok?!
n: O.K.!
five minutes later my little gossip-aunt in the making was already out in the living room telling her older sister that i was getting married on christmas. so there they were, excitedly jumping up and down about mama tying the know. aahhhhhhh. what have i done?! this totally back-fired.
so, yes - nini (my now 5-yr old) asked me this morning whether i missed J.
yes, i said, i do. very much.
n: is he your boyfriend
me: ehm...no..he's more like my fiance (making sh*t up on the fly)
n: what's that?
me: that means you're planning to get married one day. ... but it's not a sure thing...i mean, ok - J is like my fiance 'slash' boyfriend.
n: so you're gonna marry J
me:(thinking: oh sh*t...where is this conversation going?!)..[slight panic] ....yes..maybe...depends...would you like that?
n: yes!
me: really??
me: yes! :)
me: ok. but it's not totally sure, yet and it might be quite a while until this happens (if at all).
nini: christmas? (which is when nini expects J to come back)
me: no, at christmas J is just coming to visit us. and that's not sure either.--- but nini - please don't tell anyone. it's not sure, yet. the whole marriage thing. ok?!
n: O.K.!
five minutes later my little gossip-aunt in the making was already out in the living room telling her older sister that i was getting married on christmas. so there they were, excitedly jumping up and down about mama tying the know. aahhhhhhh. what have i done?! this totally back-fired.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
irony is after me
i'm tired of always being "caught" when i'm doing "bad".
i can work hard like a dog all day - completely uninterrupted - not even take a lunch-break, but rest assured, the moment i decide to print out a couple of pictures i need (o.k. want) because my printer at home is shot and i can't do it after 5 because i have to leave to pick up the kids, 17 people will walk in because they suddenly need something, only to witness me profusely concentrated on these inappropriate office activities. -- and there is no way of being discreet about it either, for they will - guaranteed - walk in when my clearly not work-related picture is half-way out the printer, the images are still on the screen, or i am busy trimming it with the paper cutter.
i'm hungry.
(did i just say "profusely concentrated"? that sounds weird somehow but i'm too deprived of nutrition to figure out why.)
ps: watch - the moment i'll open blogger.com to post this someone will come into my office. i am testing my attraction to irony....or irony's attraction to me.
pps: --- believe it or not - the moment i published the post (i.e. no discreet typing on word-pad with other pretend work windows open on the screen possible, for need to log into blogger) someone walked in here.
i can work hard like a dog all day - completely uninterrupted - not even take a lunch-break, but rest assured, the moment i decide to print out a couple of pictures i need (o.k. want) because my printer at home is shot and i can't do it after 5 because i have to leave to pick up the kids, 17 people will walk in because they suddenly need something, only to witness me profusely concentrated on these inappropriate office activities. -- and there is no way of being discreet about it either, for they will - guaranteed - walk in when my clearly not work-related picture is half-way out the printer, the images are still on the screen, or i am busy trimming it with the paper cutter.
i'm hungry.
(did i just say "profusely concentrated"? that sounds weird somehow but i'm too deprived of nutrition to figure out why.)
ps: watch - the moment i'll open blogger.com to post this someone will come into my office. i am testing my attraction to irony....or irony's attraction to me.
pps: --- believe it or not - the moment i published the post (i.e. no discreet typing on word-pad with other pretend work windows open on the screen possible, for need to log into blogger) someone walked in here.
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