metaphorical and literal amputations

Again and again I am reminded that it is impossible to outrun your sadness. Every remedy is temporary; like a band-aid on an injury from a car crash. 

I have no motivation to do anything. I could just sit and stare at the wall if I were left alone. Alas, I have to take care of the basics. There are children to be cared for, chauffeured around, and cleaned up after. The dishes don't do themselves, and nobody is going to do my laundry or clean my house. I stick to the bare minimum but it's discouraging to feel this way. 

It's hard to imagine I will ever feel any better. Life without J is like having lost a limb. I guess, even that, one will learn to adjust to but it must seem impossible. 

It doesn't help to tell myself that there are many more people facing the same or worse challenges. It just makes me feel guilty for not being tougher.

I miss him sooo much.

I read this analogy on grief the other day, reminding me that there is no way around grief. You have to go through the pain; it is part of the healing process. 
The author is unknown.
I moved the words around bit... [if you want the original -> Google]

Grief is the deepest wound
you've ever had.
Like a cut finger,
it goes through stages of healing.
A cut finger
is numb before it bleeds,
it bleeds before it hurts,
it hurts until it begins to heal,
it forms a scab and itches
until finally, the scab is gone
and a scar is left
where once there was a wound.


Apropos Google, amputations, and cutting fingers... when I looked up the above quote again, I stumbled over this shocking ritual: http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/tribe-practices-finger-cutting-as-a-means-of-grieving.html   ..... Talk about action instead of words. Wow.