this just wasn't my day

i've been writing into a personal journal for a while now. i don't know why i feel the urge to go public. it's not like i want to be recognized. in fact, i've tried really hard - this time - to remain anonymous with my writings.

my last blog(s) might have caused the end of one or more marriages. (no, i didn't sleep with anyone's man ... it was more complicated than that).

anyway, so i'm back in blogger world.
life has been so incredibly difficult over the past year and a half that i'm now generally happy, even if i have a day like today:

2:59am my 4-year old daughter (Nini) wakes up and appears at my bedside so scared of the storm outside that she is shaking. she and i stay awake for a long time before returning to sleep, which makes it almost impossible to wake her a few hours later to get ready for school.

6:45 alarm rings. i hit the snooze button.
6:50 alarm rings. i hit the snooze button.
6:55 alarm rings. i hit the snooze button.

7:00-7:20 as above

7:22 "rise-and-shine, rise-and-shine" i sing moving between my bedroom and the kids' room to wake both my daughters, hoping that my pretense good mood will catch on to them.

7:30 my extra-sweet wake-up call seems to have evoked the exact opposite sentiment in my six-year old (Ava), who wakes up with a jerry-springer-guest-like attitude. in response to my question whether she would like oatmeal or a p&b sandwich, she prepares me with toddlerish kicking and grunting that she won't be eating any breakfast today.

7:45 i've made both - oatmeal and a sandwich for her. again i come into Ava's room. nice and polite. little does she know i am two shakes of a lamb's tail away from losing my temper. she continues to kick her bed and yells that she won't be eating my food.

7:46 it's getting late. i contemplate whether i should let this one slide or whether it is time to teach this child a little bit of respect for her elders. i decide to go with the latter, return to her room and spank her on her behind twice. Ava is in shock. i hardly ever use any such methods (which is why she's probably felt comfortable enough to act this way). i tell her to control herself and show some respect for her mother. i tell her that i've been nothing but nice to her and that her response had been unacceptable.
i inform her that breakfast is ready and that there are children starving on this earth at this very moment, so she'd better make an effort to at least eat some of it. --- amazingly enough, my little disciplinary maneuver seemed successful, for she really did try to eat some of both servings (oatmeal and sandwich). she gets a tight embrace and a thank you.

8:15 nobody is ready. "put your boots on guys!" i yell

8:25 nobody is ready. "i said, put your boot on!" i yell for the 8th time.

8:30 Nini wants pony-tails and can't find her boots.

8:35 Nini is having a melt-down because she doesn't like the shoes she has to wear instead of the missing boots. i bribe her with stick-on ear-rings and the promise to make her pony-tails.

8:40 we are super-late but finally have made it out the house.

8:41 the car won't start. it's 14 degrees fahrenheit out.

8:45 my friend & neighbor volunteers to take the girls to school while i try to respond to my car dashbord's request to put oil into the engine. it's early, kids are still moving around, i'm not paying attention and grab a bottle out of the trunk i could have sworn was oil. it turns out to be anti-freeze - a fact i only notice as i am pouring the neon-green liquid into my oil-tank.

8:50 my boyfriend informs me that the subway isn't stopping at "our" station. i give up. i'm going to be working from home.

9:00-11:30 work is slow. i finish all requests and then take a break to play with my bfd.

11:45 i notice a deadline on the calendar (for Ava to get into an advanced eductional program). i call the information line. they tell me the deadline is strict and today. i organize a friend's car to drop off the application.

13:00 a snow-plow backs into my friend's car. the men standing around try to convince me it's my fault. i inform them that i've been driving since i'm 13 years old and very damn well know when someone is at fault or not and in this case it definitely ain't me so they might as well save their time and energy trying to intimidate me and mind their business. another guy steps over to me and says, i should just tell my friend someone hit the car as it was parked. "first of all: i don't lie -- ever. (except maybe to my kids once i a while, when they asked me whether i just kissed my bfd on the lips or not, which i always deny.;) and second, ..is irrelevant, for i don't lie and that's that.

13:05-13:45 i freeze my a** off trying to take care of the accident business. i write a whole incident report, which the other driver agrees on but then refuses to sign.

13:46 the cops come. the guy who had been trying to tell me it's my fault approaches their vehicle faster than i can and seems to be able to create an incriminating brief about me, for they begin and continue asking me all the questions. i am out-manned, it seems. "can i see your license and registration? lemme see your insurance card. where do you work?..." (where do i work??! whyy?)

13:59 i'm on my way back to return the car. my friend assures me that she can't remember where the damn horn is either (it should be in the center of the steering wheel but instead is a little button on the side of the wheel, which you might remember to tap lightly with your thumb when you are mildly agitated in traffic, but probably won't find when reacting to a high-impact situation, when your instincts are screaming to hit the center of the steering wheel with all you've got.) good thing the car is an old hoopty, which cost her only 500 bucks. she'd been meaning to upgrade to a new Rav4 for a while but this thing has been refusing to die for years now.

14:15-15:00 i catch up on things with my friend

15:00 i return to work. the house is freezing. i put on a second pair of socks, and a skirt over my pants.

19:00 my boss calls to have me do more work

19:30 i realize i haven't had any food today. not true. one croissant in the morning sometime.

19:50 signing off to go pee and call bfd aka my soulmate aka crazy man
aka supposed genius aka so many things (that shall be a different chapter).